Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I had run out of hope.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Sophia Bush Says She Endured “Every Kind of Abuse” on Show Due to Older Man - The Hollywood Reporter

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

The sadness was still there.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What are the ten cars that make me no longer feel inferior?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Fixing the Phoenix Suns: Retooling the roster in 6 steps - Bright Side Of The Sun

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Dave Chappelle and Mo Amer on Politics and Comedy, SNL Monologues - Variety

And the sadness?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What's the most trivial thing that ever made you go to the doctor?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Be who you already are.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Super Again: UNC Storms Past Oklahoma in NCAA Regional Finale - 247Sports

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

I was tired of fighting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What do you think about wearing sheer pantyhose?

You are like me, then.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Buzzy anti-aging supplement beloved by biohackers may not actually be that useful after all - New York Post

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I was tired of trying and failing.

It’s still here.

PS5 has a huge price advantage over Xbox and Switch 2 right now - Eurogamer

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.